Pumpkin Poem or Two by Tony Hickman
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WHOWho ’s got the biggestAnd who ’s did n’t bustWho ’s telling liesAnd who can we trustWho ’s keep secretsAnd who ’s helping outWho ’s fill up with confidenceAnd who ’s filled with doubtWho used good seedAnd who made doIt could be meOr it could be youThe weigh - off is nearEveryone is tenseRemember the grass is always greenerOn the other side of the fence
It ’s Not That FarAfter many months it was time to goAnd take my baby to thepumpkin showI’ll just pop it into the back of the car After all its not that far
My wife and I and a friend name SamLifted it into the back of the vanI pack some mantle all aroundFound some rope and tied it down
It face secure in the back of the carAfter all its not going farGo easy on the pasture brake , my married woman saidIt might undulate forwards and we ’ll all be dead
I could imagine the headlines PumpkinsKill As I drove slowly down a very usurious hillThen my daughter holler as loud as a gooseOh my god the pumpkin loose
It hit the back seat with one Hades of a thumpMy wife opened the door and was quick to jumpJust hang on to it , and get back in the carWe’re nearly there , its not that far
A niggling minute further I hear my daughter begHelp me daddy its mash my legAnd the root is tangled in my hairJust hang on we ’re intimately thereI got to the weigh - off just in timeMy family was shaken but they ’ll be fineMy pumpkin got there without a scarJust as I planned because it was n’t that far .
The Next Door NeighbourI was at the weigh - offAdmiring the fruit of my laborWhen I bumped into SamMy next - door neighbourNow he does n’t grow pumpkinsI know this for sureBecause the undercoat in his yardIs highly poorHe say he was thereTo win a big prizeAnd he had a pumpkinOf tremendous sizeAnd he was n’t jokingHe slip the showHe won a beautiful trophyAnd a pile of doughI just could n’t believe itHow did you grow it I saidI found it last weekBehind my shedYour pumpkin plantAll green and denseGrew into my yardThrough my back fenceIt was in my yardSo its lawfully mineAnd you may come over tomorrowAnd take away your vineThe Hoochy CoochyA first mate of mineHe ’s a bit of a prudeHe thinks pollenate flowersIs something rudeI have to help himWhen the prison term comesHe gets all shyAnd he ’s all thumbsHe talks to them nicely“Your a pretty yellow”“Here Mrs flower”“Meet your new fellow”And that ’s where he stopsHe just has n’t got the heartTo finish the jobAnd do the of import part“She ’s not ready”“To be a mother”“They’ve only just met”“They hardly make out each other”“Shouldn’t we marry them”“Or at least dim the light”“I just ca n’t do this”“It does n’t seem right”That ’s when I take overIt ’s all up to meTo do what I callThe hoochy coochyYou stand backAnd close your eyesAnd I ’ll do the deedBefore she diesWhen the job all overJust for a jokeI dwell down by the flowerAnd light up a smokeIt ’s get CloseIt ’s getting closeOnly two months to goI’m frightened to deathMy pumpkin might blowMy hairs turning graySomethings not rightI tempo up and downI ca n’t slumber at nightI’m smoking so muchI’ve developed a coughAnd drinking more oftenI’ll have to lay offWhat lays in storeWill my autumn pumpkin stop growingI measure it dailyI ca n’t treat not knowingWho ’s pumpkin will winWill it be mineI’m frightened and excitedAll at the same timeThe Pumpkin OathI will take care of my pumpkinI will do my bestUntil it maturesI shall not catch one’s breath
I will treat them the sameNo sound and no worstI will feed them wellAnd not let them thirst
I will give them the respectThat they deserveAnd not bank on one pumpkinI ll keep at least one in reserve
And I will never laughAt another growerThat has done their bestBut their weight was lower
I shall be tolerant and considerateAnd adjudicate not to snoopI ll be an salient memberOf this pumpkin grouping
The Pumpkin GodI need a sacrifice for the pumpkin godTo make him happy I need a all in bodMaybe a moose or a sawhorse or a doeI ca n’t make up my judgment which fashion to go
A wimp or cony or possibly a catSomething to please him and make my pumpkin fatA snake or a lounge lizard or even a houndAnything that might improve the footing
Some panthers or leopard or even some lionsSo I can grow some intelligent farseeing vinesSome hippy or skinhead or possibly some thugsTo keep him happy and keep out the bugs
perchance an eagle or a brag or a craneAnything that might institute me some rainA hippopotamus or an elephant but only just oneAnything that might get me more sun
perhaps a rhino that ’s been freshly shotCould put an conclusion to the flower death rotA wombat or koala bear or a kangarooJust in guinea pig of powdery mould
I ’ll give anything , I do n’t deal what the costTo keep off the killing frostA salmon or trout or even a sturgeonBecause I ’m damned if I can find , a young blond virgin
R.I.P.Around my gardenAre some tumid tombstonesLasting remindersOf the pumpkins , I ’ve grown
My pumpkins to meAre family or kinI could n’t let them rotIn a compost bin
Here lies BettyAt 854She blew outCouldn’t take anymore
And this one ’s for PrincessThe glitch had a feastShe died slowlyMay she catch one’s breath in peace
Over there lies BerthaShe got herself caughtIn a wild hailstormHer life story was cut curt
And there ’s quondam MavisThe good of the lotAn unfortunate victimOf flush end buncombe
And inadequate old BumpkinHer belly was rottenShe ’s gone nowBut not forget
I ’ll never forget BlossomShe met with spoilt luckOn the means to the weigh - offShe roll off the motortruck
And my only successI yell her FloShe succeed second placeAt the autumn pumpkin show
Mother nature ruleSays we must partThis pumpkin growingSure breaks my heart
A straight STORYI examine my pumpkin vine the other dark And what I constitute was an ugly siteI measured around and over the topAnd then I establish …… the blossom goal rot
I step back and covered my faceAfter all that body of work , I ’m out of the wash I pass away to the house and rolled a smokeI told the kids , they thought it was a joke
But they bang it was true because my face was pale I opened the electric refrigerator and bolt down an ale I ’ll call my spouse , he ’ll bonk what to do “ Your joking ” he said ” That ca n’t be true”“Pick it now , get it out of your patchThe bugs will get in , repose eggs , and hatchGet it out of there , the place it was born in And we will set it up tomorrow morning”I could n’t lift it by myselfSo I sent the kids to get some helpThe neighbors come , “ You desire to lift something ” “ Yes , I require a deal to move my pumpkin”“Do it yourself , you do n’t want four ” “ Are your wives meddling , we might ask more”We went to the garden , I showed them my prize They stood in awe , couldn’t believe their eyesSo I mystify a tarp and we gathered around“We’ll get it in the heart , then uprise it off the ground”My grim neighbour , he had a bad coughGrabbed it by the stem and snatch up it right off
I nearly cried and I said a rude word Loud enough that the whole world heardHe expect at the stem , it was retentive and fatThen he thew it away , he say “ You ca n’t eat that ”
I finally calm down down , though my expression was still red “ Just lift it ” Isnapped , and get it into the shed It was still in one piece , in itsbright orangish resplendence And my neighbor is still animated , to pass on the tale
The next mean solar day the pumpkin Doc come around His beaming grin quicklyturned to a frown The coloring material is serious and the shape is a gemBut there ’s a whole in the back and you ’ve cut off the theme
So I told him the story , he said “ You get it on what I think”‘You should n’t move pumpkin when you ’ve had too much to drink “ But it was after my neighbor had snapped off the trunkThat I had a few drinks and mayhap got intoxicated
Let this be a lesson , to everyoneDon’t flora too early , do n’t jump the heavy weapon Take it slow , do n’t go full throttleOr you ’ll be drown your ruefulness , in the bottom of a bottle
The Mighty MableNow here’sa true floor , it ’s not a fableIt’sabout a pumpkin , the Mighty MableThere ’s this mean guy rope like you and meWho go by the name of Wayne Hackney
He had this idea of making somethinSo he made a boat from a elephantine pumpkinHe turn a beauty , weighed 729 poundShe was big and orange and 172 inches around
But before he could make this Cucurbita pepo boatHe had to make certain that it would floatSo he and Brian and Mighty MableWent down to the lake and chance she was able
They went to the marina , to confab an erstwhile boaterTo how they ’d fit the outboard motorThey cut a hole in the top , but she still looked handsomeMade an inner frame and fitted a transom
Fitted a three horsepower motor , so it would n’t lagAnd added a windscreen and the American flagThen came the day to see if they couldSail Mighty Mable across Lake Candlewood
Three hundred citizenry had gathered aroundHe had to do it , he could n’t back downThey reach the bubbly and christened the boatAnd beg to the lord that Mable would float
In an orange tuxedo and a green top hatThey braved the water system , but it was n’t flatThe waves swamped them before twenty feetIt looked like it was over , like he was beat
But he had to do it for the crowds sakeSo he tried again on the other side of the lakeAfter a flying fixture because he establish a holeHe was ready for military action , ready to shake and scroll
So he and Mable were back in the drinkPlease Lord do n’t let me sinkHe went out on the lake and turned 360 degreesThe crew all cheer , they were really pleased
She was holding together like brick and mortarBut then the wave crash in and she was taking in waterThe motor could n’t take it , it stalled twiceHe interbreed his finger and prayed to Christ
Now it was clip for some riotous actionA spokesperson in his head said “ She ’ll not take it Captain”So the motor come off , it could n’t take any moreAnd he finished the journey with his trusty oar
Two miles he trip in his CucurboatAnd they said it ca n’t be done , it will never floatAfter the bubbly and a overnice cold beerHe had a great idea for the following year
I ’ll get a big 150 horsepower motorAnd a huge autumn pumpkin , a real good floaterI’ll get my married woman in her polka - back breaker bikinisTo ski behind the autumn pumpkin on two courgette
And there ’s one thing I have n’t mentionedWayne Hackney … .. your a living legend
extra Pumpkin Pages
How To maturate – Records – Clipart – Seeds – Poems – Phantom Pumpkin – Carving – Pumpkin – FAQ ’s – How Big is it ?
